"The Perks of Being a Wall Flower"

Warning: the following review contains angst.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower chronicles the freshman year of high school for the introverted Charlie. Despite his angst about fitting in, he is quickly welcomed by a couple of seasoned seniors Patrick (Ezra Miller) and Sam (Emma Watson) who show him just how to be an outsider.

I will go ahead and rename this flick The Perks of Being a White Person. I'm not sure what makes Charlie an outsider. Is it his lovable puppy-dog good looks? Is it his wounded and mysterious writer persona? Is it his innocence? I don't know what it is because the film didn't tell me. All we know is that he lost his best friend and that he should probably be in a more advanced English course. The film never really shows the perils of being one of the invisible kids in high school, rather it delves into the perfection that is absorbing all of the "perks" of white suburbia. They party, they dance, they smoke weed.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Starring: Logan Lerman, Emma Watson, Ezra Miller
Directed by Stephen Chbosky
My Opinion: Rubbish. 

Once upon a time, I was a lonely little loser trolling the halls with my head hung low, and it sucked. There were no perks for me. Unlike Charlie, I never went to a hipster party after homecoming. I went home, binged on the second season of The Office with my closeted best friend and stuffed my face with Oreo's soggy not from milk but my tears.

I don't really know what Charlie is bitching about. Yes, your first year in high school is scary, but not when you have sexy friends with an independent spirit and a don't-give-a-fuck attitude. Shoving your way to the middle of the dance floor to dance like nobody is watching is not being a wallflower. Crying in your car because nobody asked you to senior prom is a little closer. My perks were found in a glass pipe halfway through my senior year. A film that chronicled my experience in high school would be a miserable bastard of a flick that no one would want to watch with valid reason. But let's call a shoe a shoe: Charlie is a hipster comfortably lounging with his quirky group of friends.

I will admit that I didn't read the book, so loyalty is not a factor in this review. For that matter, I didn't even finish this movie nor will I pretend otherwise like I have in other reviews (Take Shelter).  Unfortunately for first-time directer and original author Stephen Chbosky, the film is clumsy and arc-less. There is a strange lack of conflict, even when Patrick (Ezra Miller) is gay-ing it up Rocky Horror-style in front of his secret jock lover. You'd think that the closeted man would express some disapproval, but he takes it all in good gay fun. Yawn. Furthermore, Emma Watson did a rather significant disservice to herself by not checking on her lighting. She is an intensely beautiful woman, but in the majority of the film she looks like a slutty troll guarding a bridge. The only reason why I've generously given an entire eyeball to this film is because neither Emma Watson nor Ezra Miller were awful.

In conclusion, I'd gladly choose watching a video of a constipated elephant over this sad excuse for a coming-of-age film. Unless you're a high school looking for a film to pretend to watch while actually finger-banging, don't waste your time.