Review of "Close Quarters"

The iconic coffee shop is a the perfect location for a witty, indie comedy and Close Quarters takes full advantage of its setting. The film offers a trendy yet invigorating examination of the lives of the baristas and clientele at a generic coffee shop.

Close Quarters
Starring: an ensemble cast including T. J. Jagdowski,
Kate Duffy and Greg Hollomon
Directed by Jack C. Newell
My Opinion: Definitely worth it.

The majority of the cast have a history at Second City and/or SNL, and it shows. The film has a theatrical quality with improvised but intriguing and impressively deep dialogue. Each and every conversation that occurs throughout the little shop is deeply existential, allowing the film to flow from point A to B. Indeed, the real plot-movers are the adulterous couple who are locked in the bathroom while their spouses are approaching a dangerous intimacy upstairs. The characters are plentiful and richly human and the brilliance of the film is the sharp observation the viewer experiences. Though the film seems suited for the stage, it transcends theatrics with the immaculate film editing. Split-screens are used in order to evoke a conversational mode, allowing the viewer to choose who they want to watch. Rather than the simple observer, the viewer is made to feel as if he/she is a fly on the wall, casually jumping from enchanting conversation to the next. The framing is precise, allowing for the perfect view during shining moments of intoxicatingly fantastic acting.

However, two characters fall far below the standard set by their co-stars: the protagonist Abby (Erica Unger) and her clueless boyfriend Barry (Seth Unger). Erica is our eyes and ears. Her observations are our own, yet her character is far too weak to lead a film of this magnitude. As the main current running through such an artistically executed film, the performances of both Ungers stand out as weak and awkward. Furthermore, the chemistry between the two is obsolete. I recently learned that both of these actors are married to one another, so I sincerely hope that their off-screen relationship is more convincing, but nonetheless, their characters are granted their deserved, though fleeting, moments.

Close Quarters sets an impressively surreal tone with echoey sound editing and saturated color which evokes a dream-like realm beyond life outside the simple coffee shop. Though not without petty production flaws and a couple missed opportunities for impressive long takes, the film is a solid indie gem.

"The Funny Things You Do" Review

Pine is a young hillbilly who finds himself in a heap of trouble. After losing the all of the money his brother and their looting friends have illegally earned, Pine decides to convince the band of thieves into recording a video for America's Funniest Home Videos. The filming ends in tragedy, leaving Pine to pick up the pieces.

If someone bludgeoned the talent and perfectionism out of David Lynch, gave him a 2004 camcorder and ordered him to film a movie, he may have made something similar to The Funny Things You Do. The random collage-like montages are reminiscent of a bad acid trip: not the kind that scare you, the obnoxious kind that you just wish would end. However, the visually stimulating sequences are articulated well enough to play comfortably in a pop-art inspired club and the graphic violence is certainly entertaining at moments. However, at the end of the day, the production quality is far too awful to render the film watchable. The thick prevalence of sound pops, terrible green screen execution and poor lighting take far too much from a film that is already starting with so little. Of course, the filmmakers are fully aware of this fact, but the slightest amount of precision would have made a difference, although nothing could have saved this piece.

That being said, The Funny Things You Do is not without its moments. The saving grace comes from the scattered moments of slapstick comedy and trashiness. More often than not, the viewer is laughing at the atrocious acting and poor make-up, yet I found the set design charmingly pathetic. Furthermore, the relationship between the two brothers, though undoubtedly real, has a few precious moments of intimacy. Indeed, buried deep in this film is a small sprinkle of talent and intriguing comedic timing. Unfortunately, the charm doesn't last 'til the end.

The Funny Things You Do

Production information and photo not available

My Opinion: I don't recommend it, but 

the film has a few meager moments.

NOT for those with a history of epileptic seizures.

Review of "Abraham Lincoln Vs. Zombies"

The Asylum production company brings us this appetizer for the much anticipated Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter set to release June 22.  The Asylum specializes in these off-kilter thrillers. Their filmography includes much loved knock-offs including 2-Headed Shark Attack and Titanic II. Naturally, you should pick up one of these films with lower expectations than a Troma film. I mean, at least Troma has some actual classics like Class of Nuke 'em High, Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead, and of course, The Toxic Avenger. What does The Asylum have? Brooke Hogan, the crusty skid mark of Hollywood, killing a two headed shark? Yeah, I'm still intrigued.

Abraham Lincoln Vs Zombies
Starring: David Alexander, Raed Ali, Bernie Ask
Directed by Richard Schenkman
My Opinion: Like drinking bad vodka,
it's a good time, but you may not remember
 it the next day

So anyway, this film looked fantastic and, to my surprise, it wasn't half-bad. The plot gets really stale towards the end, but as long as you don't pay too close attention, you won't taste it. Indeed, this is a film for those of us who can enjoy paying half our attention spans to a film, but when you have the right mindset, then this is certainly worth the watch. There are plenty of zombies, authoritative presidential speeches and headless blood fountains to keep the viewer watching, or at least in front of the screen. The ridiculous script and plentitude of production oopses are rendered lovable by the comic relief. Yes, almost everyone has a different accent, but it's laughable not cringe-worthy. Personally, I found David Alexander's performance reliable and clean.

In conclusion, this is not The Toxic Avenger, but it has a similar feel. Some extra ridiculousness wouldn't hurt, but I was impressed.